I'm not saying that I'm better endowed than the next guy. I'm just
saying if you've got a bigger zucchini, then come on, whip it out.
Commonly asked questions:
Q: Why did they misspell "zucchini" on your blue ribbon?
A: Actually I don't have a good answer for this.
Q: Is this a genetically altered zuke?
A: New book Breed Your Own Vegetable Varieties features the equivalent of sexual intercourse on the cover.
Q: How did you Grow such a behemoth?
A: Love. We must love all the zucchini in the world. As a little Zuke I
sang to it. I performed my Del Shannon medley. In the final days
before the competition, I stroked its furrowed brow.
Q: What is the connection to sustainable living?
- This honker could feed everyone here.
- It contains 784 seeds
- Next year this one squash might feed all of Bangladesh
Q: Is there any truth to the rumors about you appearing on Letterman?
A: I'll be on next week for stupid vegetable tricks, signed with the William Morris agency, and signed endorsements for Louisville Sluggers.
Q: What will become of the zuke?
A: Stuffed? Bronzed? Cast?
[ A further suggestion is to have Rob and Jaki Roy erect it, standing stone style, on the lawn of the Tunbridge World's Fair, during the Third Convocation. - ed ]
Q: Do you have a pet name for the Zuke?
Q: Is it true that a female can increase her chances of conception --or may
even become pregnant-- just by touching The Big Zucchini?
A: Let's just say that three members (so to speak) of the Chelsea Green
community are now with child, and the rest are steering a wide berth of the
big Zucchini. It's been said that we should forget about books and just
start running a fertility clinic. Meanwhile, women are coming from Hither
and Yon (that's just across the river) to enter the Sacred Den where they
seek to lay their hands on the mighty Zuke. All I can say is "bring me your
weak and your tired, your sick and you poor, your lame and your pimpled...."
Q: What will you do for an encore?
A: Growing zucchini is to become an Olympic event. Go into training.